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IRB world cup 2007

I haven’t got a clue who thought this up, it was sent to me by E Mail before the start of the 2007 world cup.

Press release.
International Rugby Board.

Following complaints to the IRB about the All Blacks being allowed to motivate themselves by performing “The Haka” before their games. Other nations, were asked to suggest Pre - Match rituals of their own. The IRB World Cup 2007 organising committee has now agreed to the following Pre - Match displays.

1. The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they invented the game and gave it to the world, but no - one appreciates them.

2. The Scottish team will chant “You looking at me Jimmy” before each of them smash a bottle over their opponents head.

3. The Irish will split into two. The Southern half performing a River dance, while the Northerners march the traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room.

4 Unfortunately the committee was unable to accept the Welsh proposal to form a choir and sing Tom Jones’s “It’s not Unusual”.

5. Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of the oppositions territory, claim it as their own, “Las in goals area” and have to be forcibly removed by match officials.

6. Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other 13 whom they will imprison between the posts. Those two will then go about selecting the best parts of the pitch to settle on and claim that they have been there for centuries.

7. The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future years will amend the records to show that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament, and Hollywood will make a blockbuster film called “Saving Flanker Ryan”

8. Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marseilles and hold the rest of the team to ransom.

9. The Italian team will arrive in Armani gear, sexually harass the female officials and then prepare Pasta dishes which they will flog for a fortune

10. The Japanese will shock fans by demonstrating how to capture a whale by harpooning an opposition Prop.

11. The French won’t have a pre - match display and will simply hide in fear in the dressing room for the whole match.

12. The Australians will have a BBQ on their side of the field and invite the opposition over before the game. The food will be in abundance and by the start of the game no - one will remember what they came to the stadium for. After some streaking, the singing of dirty songs and the occasional chunder everyone will go home thoroughly convinced it was a Bloody good night.

13. The Moroccan team will quietly pray during the first half, and then launch suicide attacks against the opposition after the break. Unfortunately this strategy works well for the first game only, after which Morocco is forced to withdraw from the Rugby World Cup due to lack of players.

14. Samoa will prepare a huge feast in the middle of the pitch by digging a large hole and filling it with burning embers, they invite the opposition over by saying “We’d like to have you for dinner”, It’s only when the opposition get to the pit that they realise that there is no meat, and that they are the dinner!

Hopefully with these policies now in place, further problems in this area of the game should cease to exist.

Regards.
Syd Miller.
IRB Chairman