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David Miliband MP-Letter!!

Dont know how true this is, funny though!! Wonder if he replied!!

Rt Hon David Miliband MP
Secretary of State.
Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA),
Nobel House
17 Smith Square
London SW1P 3JR
16 May 2007

Dear Secretary of State,
My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque
for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would now
liketo join the "not rearing pigs" business.

In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and
which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I
approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as
the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy. I would prefer not to rear
bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just
gladly not rear porkeis. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare
breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many
people already not rearing these?

As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an
accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government
Local Authority courses on this?
My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs
for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in
That is until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing

If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not
rearing 100?
I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to
about 4,000 pigs not raised. which will mean about £240,000 for the first
year? As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more
perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year,
for which I should expect about £2.4 million from your department.
Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon
credits for
all these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane gases.
Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000
tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing
crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the
I don't rear? I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so
please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also
the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an
e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several

In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed,
and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits.
I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.
Yours faithfully,

This is definitely a joke: a very good one though. I came across this a few years back so it has done the rounds but obviously not in RCT environs.

That is a funny letter, yet at the same time, I believe things like this are really happening today. Knowing our Govt., where they employ people who have little knowledge of the English language they must be forking out millions each year.

I wrote a letter to a Govt. Department a few years ago to inform them my husband had passed away. The reply was to fill in the forms and they expressed sympathy for losing "your wife".
They also stopped my pension money, I went into the office personally to show them that it was not me who had died. No-one would come out of the office to see me, I had to use their internal phone to explain what had happened. They put me on hold and 20 minutes later confirmed " Mrs.....our records now show you are no longer dead, you are now alive". My husband's initials were J.C. (mine J.P.)but it was J.P. who rose again from the dead!!! Unbelieveable!

Hi, Today I received two letter, one from RCT informing me that some areas the school bus service had been disrupted owing to road repairs but the service from my area was normal therefore my children would not be affected by the services provided. My late eldest child would have been forty and my daughters 39 and 38 my youngest son 35. I tend to think it would disrupt their family if I insisted they return to school at this age.

But the second letter was even better from the DWP claiming it was a long time since they got in touch with me and had made an appointment for a return to work chat later in the month. This was a lengthy letter explaining where, and the facilities for disabled people had been provided. As I am an old age pensioner and have been claiming a state pension for years after retirement I am still wondering how my name cropped up. Never mind!!! if I did attend and get a job I could now use my bus pass to go to work. In the past a large chunk of my wage went on traveling to and from work

On a serious note how many other pensioners received these letters, and what was the cost of printing and posting such mail?. What a waste of money,